Thursday, February 23, 2012

Romanticizing the Past

Sometimes random thoughts begin to swirl in my head that seem to come out of nowhere and they make absolutely no sense (sometimes for weeks) before I realize it was all part of His purpose. Since I've had one of these experiences come full circle this week and there's not a whole lot of other excitement going on (knock on wood) at the moment, I thought it might help me to process it "on paper."

Most people aren't aware of this but when we moved back to the Waco area in 2007 it was a bit of a rush decision. Don't get me wrong - it was exactly the right decision for our family and, after some initial ups and downs in our first months here, has been one of the best things to ever happen for our family.

That being said, we ended up renting a home (that is amazing and we seriously have the best landlord ever) that we have enjoyed immensely. When Taylor was finishing up fourth grade, we began to look at options to buy or even rent another home (not being responsible for big ticket items certainly has its benefits) but that plan was quickly thwarted by our school district. 

This was the point that they opened a new intermediate school and the girl really didn't want to be split from her friends. The "old" school was the one she would have gone to in the area(s) we had been looking to move and our current home was zoned for the "new" school.

We made plans to revisit the whole idea of moving when the girl finished intermediate school. Well, that time is quickly approaching as we're almost to Spring Break of her sixth grade year. As Tonto and I have had discussions about homes (wants, needs, pie in the sky dreams, etc.) I've found myself thinking about the first home we bought in Morgan's Point more than I have in years.

It was a nice home but certainly wasn't a palace. It had a great yard that had tons of trees and shade. We put in a water feature and landscaped to the best of our ability (did I mention there were deer everywhere?), painted and redecorated every room and I especially loved our dark red den. It was in a somewhat remote location on a cul-de-sac. And we had amazing neighbors with whom we became fast friends.

I had begun to think we'll never find anything that was as perfect as that home...

And then I got to a point in the Bible study I'm doing right now that talked about romanticizing the past. My stomach immediately dropped and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That's absolutely what I've been doing. 

And, might I add, without good reason.

The truth of the matter is that there were so many things about that house I absolutely hated. I would probably never buy it again (though we did get a good deal on it). It irritated the fire out of me there was so much shade we couldn't even grow grass. That water feature was a big pain in the rear end. And it took forever to get anywhere because we did live rather far away from the grocery store, a nice restaurant, etc.

And don't get me started on the number of really horrid fights Tonto and I had in and around that home.

Now don't get me wrong - we had a lot of wonderful times there and met amazing people with whom we're still in contact today. But none of us still live on that cul-de-sac. We've all moved on. And all in different ways.

And you also shouldn't get me started on how those beautiful deer became the bane of my existence after a couple of years, friends. Because they totally did...

All of this sent me straight back to my Bible study book where I found this quote: "How often do we stomp our feet at God after He has delivered us from the things of this world and say, 'I want some of it back'?"

Let me be frank without sharing too many details, friends: the Lord has delivered my entire family from some "things of the world" that you could not pay me enough to willingly return to. It was bad. It was worse than bad, y'all.

And I wholeheartedly believe that, had we not moved, our marriage would not have lasted. No question. For many reasons. 

So, yes, romanticizing the past is easy to do but can be dangerous unless we allow it to remind us from what we've been delivered. And by whom. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter where we live now. Or ever. 

What I'm grateful for is that we're together.

Yes, I realize many have pasts that are amazing and provide nothing but happy memories. And I have many seasons like that in my life. Our time in that first home, though, was not one of them. I'm grateful for it - yes - because we wouldn't be where we are today without it.

But, I can assure you one thing, I won't continue to romanticize it as we begin (possibly) another chapter (still don't have any idea what that will look like). Instead I will stop and thank Him for rescuing me from it. 

Because He is the only One who was capable to do so...


Nancy said...

Casi, the wisdom you have gained through Bible Study is a tremendous testimony to the importance of Bible Study for everyone. Thank you so much for sharing this. So glad you are a part of Mom To Mom also!!