Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Battling It Out



It's almost been a year since I learned that someone I thought to be a friend (not close friend but still...) had been sharing their thoughts about my Facebook posts with basically anyone who would listen. The words "flaunting" and "bragging" were apparently used and really kind of shocked me. 

Mainly because I was confused as to how the three events in question - a weekend trip to Six Flags, Tonto buying a new (used) truck, and a Galveston vacation - were all that significant. Particularly when they happened throughout a three month period that was summer. You know, the only time I have to take trips and such.

More than anything, I started to get defensive because 1) I would never want anyone to think that was my intent, 2) Tonto had waited six years to be able to purchase his truck, and 3) it was incredibly clear to me that the person who had this impression had no idea of my real story. You know, the one that happens behind closed doors and isn't readily visible via social media. Or, honestly, to anyone that wasn't incredibly close to me at the time.

What I realized is that there was a group of people who had no idea I spent most of 2011 in a really deep, dark place. They didn't know that I had lost a baby and spent the next six months so far removed from anyone and anything that I almost didn't make it back to the real world. Or that I cried what would probably have amounted to a river of tears during that time, become so angry with God I couldn't see straight, and eventually - by the grace of only One - woke up one day and decided this was not going to be my life.

Nor did most people know of the struggles encountered during my years of raising a preschooler and establishing a career. Or the financial strain we'd endured for a whole lotta years while we rectified some past decisions. And, let's face it, we all have insecurities that we battle on a daily basis not to mention to never ending weight battle. But maybe that's just me?

No, what this person (and perhaps a number of others) saw was me going to a job I loved every day in stilettos, spoiling my child (within reason) when I could, attending lots of sporting events and going on trips, and - apparently - leading a charmed, fun-loving life.

Here's the thing - I do love fun. And my life is good. But it's not without struggles. And, even a year ago, I was seriously torn about why in the world I still had this STRONG desire to have another child, a child it certainly didn't seem would ever appear.

And then...Tiny.

Yes, the precious one who entered our lives in a heartbeat and changed them in an instant. The one with whom we are deeply in love and cannot imagine our lives without. The one who completes our family. And the one for whom we've fought with every ounce of our being for the past six months. And counting.

While I realize from the outside, it may have looked like all wrongs were righted for us on a cold day in January, it also began a battle that we're still waging.

I guess the point is this, we ALL are fighting some type of battle, y'all. Every. Single. Day. They're different and, while someone's issue might not seem all that big of a deal to us, it is a REALLY big thing for that person.

Some of us have overcome obstacles that took years in order to be able to provide some things for our kids. Others may not be at that point now. And that's ok. 

But maybe we could remember that everyone else has a story and struggles too. :)

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