Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Things I Don't Want to Forget

The days of having a baby and an active teen at home are a blur. We move at lightning speed and snap as many pics as we can but there are certain things I don't want to forget. 

I don't want to forget that I first got a call about this sweet baby while frantically driving around town to wrap up loose ends as Taylor needed to be picked up early due to a fever. And the following day we headed to Dallas for a volleyball tournament where we were cautiously excited all day and then swooned as a new batch of photos arrived via text. 

Like the look on Taylor's face when we first met Baby S. And that she was the first person to hold her. That I fed her while Tonto snapped pics and sent them to my mom and went through her medical records. And the look of utter ecstasy when he first held her.

Or MLK afternoon when she came to our house for the first time. And I just sat and stared at her because I could not believe my eyes. And how I fed her in the back of my Explorer for the first official time while Taylor headed inside - on a cold winter evening - for practice. We must certainly not forget Tonto texting pics of baby gear from Wal-Mart at midnight because we didn't realize she would begin staying with us so soon.

This tiny baby was the smallest human I had ever held and it amazed me that she made expressive faces in her sleep and raised her hands in the "touchdown" signal every time she began eating. To see such expression from one who was still swallowed by preemie clothes was amazing. I melted during those first few days when she slept on my chest and neither Tonto nor I could put her down. Not to mention the hundreds of selfies Taylor took while holding her.

I don't want to forget the nights when I was convinced she would never sleep when it was actually dark outside. Or the many times Dave jumped up in my moments of greatest frustration and rocked her to sleep. And we certainly can't forget the many hours of breathing treatments and nasal suctioning because, as we learned all too quickly, poor baby girl has terrible allergies.

And, though it sounds crazy, I don't want to forget the many moments I got news that stopped my heart for a second and made me wonder whether or not she would ever really be ours. Or the millions of tears I shed because I could not fathom handing her over. Ever. And begging God to allow her to stay with the only people she knows. 

The reason I don't want to forget is because, though we've received potentially DEVASTATING news at times, He has always removed the obstacle. And we have very good reason to believe those obstacles are in the process of being permanently removed. 

No, it's still not a done deal. And, yes, I'm sure it will take longer that I would like. But the right people are now in the process of taking what we believe to be actions in the baby's best interest. And I don't want to forget that there's absolutely no way any of this would EVER have happened if it was solely left up to us.

So, today, I'm so grateful. And I don't want to forget.


Ang said...

I'm so excited for you guys. I look forward to hearing more about your journey; please keep me posted. <3