Dear Taylor

My Dearest Taylor,

Last evening when I realized we were out of deodorant except for your brightly colored Degree in the package with all of the graffiti and asked you to be sure it had been located before going to bed so as to thwart any major argument this morning, I was so happy with your sweet disposition and willingness to do so. I was also impressed with the speedy recovery of your deodorant because I know how you like to hide it in a different place each and every day.

This morning when I woke you up and asked where it was, you sweetly told me it was on your nightstand immediately upon awakening. Except that it wasn't. Nor was it anywhere in the immediate vicinity of your nightstand. For all I know, it's not even in your bedroom because you never could find it this morning. 

And, while I appreciate your consistency in assuring me it was "right there on the nightstand when I went to bed" followed by "who could have taken it during the night?" I'm just not buying it, sweetheart. 

I cannot fathom how one just completely loses their deodorant when they clearly had to put it on just 24 hours prior and it does break my heart to take away a portion of your bowling alley fun money to teach you a lesson about lying but, really, I'm just wondering if you truly think that Mommy lacks in intelligence so severely that I wouldn't notice this morning that said hygiene product was lost.

Let me assure you, dear, that there are many things I do not notice regularly (laundry piling up, a floor needing a good vacuum, how close my car is to hitting the framing on the garage door, etc.) but have you ever known me not to enjoy a personal hygiene product like deodorant, hairspray, perfume, gel, more gel, more hairspray, etc.

It's like you don't know me at all. But don't worry, we have all weekend to reiterate these facts.

Love,

Mommy

P.S. I'm happy to report the blood-pressure induced headache has almost waned. And Davey assured me at lunch that he truly didn't mind rushing to Walgreen's so early this morning to buy some deodorant. It's all good.