Battling It Out

It's almost been a year since I learned that someone I thought to be a friend (not close friend but still...) had been sharing their thoughts about my Facebook posts with basically anyone who would listen. The words "flaunting" and "bragging" were apparently used and really kind of shocked me. 

Mainly because I was confused as to how the three events in question - a weekend trip to Six Flags, Tonto buying a new (used) truck, and a Galveston vacation - were all that significant. Particularly when they happened throughout a three month period that was summer. You know, the only time I have to take trips and such.

More than anything, I started to get defensive because 1) I would never want anyone to think that was my intent, 2) Tonto had waited six years to be able to purchase his truck, and 3) it was incredibly clear to me that the person who had this impression had no idea of my real story. You know, the one that happens behind closed doors and isn't readily visible via social media. Or, honestly, to anyone that wasn't incredibly close to me at the time.

What I realized is that there was a group of people who had no idea I spent most of 2011 in a really deep, dark place. They didn't know that I had lost a baby and spent the next six months so far removed from anyone and anything that I almost didn't make it back to the real world. Or that I cried what would probably have amounted to a river of tears during that time, become so angry with God I couldn't see straight, and eventually - by the grace of only One - woke up one day and decided this was not going to be my life.

Nor did most people know of the struggles encountered during my years of raising a preschooler and establishing a career. Or the financial strain we'd endured for a whole lotta years while we rectified some past decisions. And, let's face it, we all have insecurities that we battle on a daily basis not to mention to never ending weight battle. But maybe that's just me?

No, what this person (and perhaps a number of others) saw was me going to a job I loved every day in stilettos, spoiling my child (within reason) when I could, attending lots of sporting events and going on trips, and - apparently - leading a charmed, fun-loving life.

Here's the thing - I do love fun. And my life is good. But it's not without struggles. And, even a year ago, I was seriously torn about why in the world I still had this STRONG desire to have another child, a child it certainly didn't seem would ever appear.

And then...Tiny.

Yes, the precious one who entered our lives in a heartbeat and changed them in an instant. The one with whom we are deeply in love and cannot imagine our lives without. The one who completes our family. And the one for whom we've fought with every ounce of our being for the past six months. And counting.

While I realize from the outside, it may have looked like all wrongs were righted for us on a cold day in January, it also began a battle that we're still waging.

I guess the point is this, we ALL are fighting some type of battle, y'all. Every. Single. Day. They're different and, while someone's issue might not seem all that big of a deal to us, it is a REALLY big thing for that person.

Some of us have overcome obstacles that took years in order to be able to provide some things for our kids. Others may not be at that point now. And that's ok. 

But maybe we could remember that everyone else has a story and struggles too. :)

To the Rainforest We Go

Vacation Wednesday was kinda special because it was Tonto's birthday. We let him sleep in while we enjoyed another beautiful sunrise and then he opened presents on the back deck. Yes, I have super cute pics of Tiny helping him BUT I can't show them...yet. :(

Still. Adorable.

After a yummy breakfast and a quick swim in the ocean, which was eerily calm and FILLED with jellyfish, we decided to take a day trip to Galveston. Tiny donned Nana's hat while waiting for us to get the car ready for her. :)

Our first stop was Fisherman's Wharf. It was the middle of the afternoon so there was basically no crowd and we had an amazing view of the Elissa.

Next up was shopping on The Strand. This has become my girl's favorite part of Galveston and, y'all, this surprises me but I'm certainly not going to discourage it.

We, of course, ended our shopping expedition with dessert at La King's. It's just a requirement when in the area.

We rounded out the day with a trip to Moody Gardens. My parents headed to the aquarium pyramid but, since we did that last year, we went to the rainforest, which was recently redone.

Tiny. Was. Mesmerized. With. Lights.

And we had an up close and personal encounter with a monkey...

...before posing for some pics...

...and admiring just how stinkin' pretty (if humid) it is in there.

Tiny LOVED the fish. :)

And, you know, more pics..

...and, yes, another.

This pic absolutely makes me laugh, y'all. Love these girls so much!

And, because the lighting was bad inside and we had a few extra minutes...

It was such a fun day out and about but Tiny was DONE by the time we headed home. She cried almost the whole way and ended up screaming for a really long time before falling asleep for the night. Tonto stayed at the house with Tiny while we hunted down a place to eat - at a really late hour - but the best we found was Jack in the Box. 

Long story. Funny story. But, still, long... :)

Life's a Beach

Our second day in Surfside began really early thanks to Tiny. While Tonto caught some much needed zz's, she and I headed downstairs to watch the sun rise and have coffee with Boppy. Eventually everyone roused and we headed to the grocery store where we proceeded to buy the most unhealthy basket of food I've been guilty of in many, many months. 

And, yes, it was glorious. :)

After a blowout on the way back and a quick tire change, we hit the beach for the remainder of the day. It was a beautiful day and the surf was perfect.

Of course I had to catch some cute pics of these girls. They make me laugh so hard.

Tiny, once again, passed out upon hearing the waves for more than 90 seconds. :)

So we played in the water while Boppy watched Tiny in her tent.

And took more pics...

...and enjoyed the view while taking long beach walk...

...and were absolutely amazed at how close the shrimp boats were to the shore in this area.

That night we grilled a feast for dinner (that took much longer than we anticipated) and closed it out with s'mores. Because, you know, why not?

The sunset was beautiful...

...but the mosquitoes were AWFUL. We tried to take a nighttime walk on the beach and - even with bug spray - we were SWARMED. But that was better than seaweed stacked 12 feet high...which is what we saw the next day. :)

Beachin'

Last Monday we headed out on a long-awaited adventure - it was time for some R&R at the beach. I honestly don't know that I've ever anticipated a vacation more as it's been a really stressful (yet amazing) six months. Some time away was definitely in order. 

And, little known fact, but I had yet to have Tiny to myself for an entire week. I've taken off days here and there to make sure she got to all of her appointments, follow-ups, was sick, etc. but it was the first uninterrupted week.  :)

Last year we tried to stop at Bucee's in Waller but it wasn't open yet. So we completed that circle on the way down and treated ourselves to some fudge. Red velvet is my personal fav but the girls had an affinity for birthday cake. And we had to get a pic with the giant beaver. It just felt right.

Soon we arrived in Surfside Beach (home to very little seaweed as compared to the majority of the Texas Gulf Coast) and were greeted by both my parents and this super sweet view. Hello, gorgeous!

The first order of business was introducing Tiny to the sand, salt water and waves. All of which most children hate. But not Tiny. Not in the least, y'all!

As you can see, the sand was not a problem AT ALL. She loved the salt water so much that she kept licking her lips and fingers AND the waves put her to sleep every single time she went down to the beach. :)

After playing in the surf for a few hours, we headed back to the beautiful beach house and ordered pizza for dinner. Because who wants to waste time during their first day shopping for groceries? That's definitely a second day of vacay issue. :)

Things I Don't Want to Forget

The days of having a baby and an active teen at home are a blur. We move at lightning speed and snap as many pics as we can but there are certain things I don't want to forget. 

I don't want to forget that I first got a call about this sweet baby while frantically driving around town to wrap up loose ends as Taylor needed to be picked up early due to a fever. And the following day we headed to Dallas for a volleyball tournament where we were cautiously excited all day and then swooned as a new batch of photos arrived via text. 

Like the look on Taylor's face when we first met Baby S. And that she was the first person to hold her. That I fed her while Tonto snapped pics and sent them to my mom and went through her medical records. And the look of utter ecstasy when he first held her.

Or MLK afternoon when she came to our house for the first time. And I just sat and stared at her because I could not believe my eyes. And how I fed her in the back of my Explorer for the first official time while Taylor headed inside - on a cold winter evening - for practice. We must certainly not forget Tonto texting pics of baby gear from Wal-Mart at midnight because we didn't realize she would begin staying with us so soon.

This tiny baby was the smallest human I had ever held and it amazed me that she made expressive faces in her sleep and raised her hands in the "touchdown" signal every time she began eating. To see such expression from one who was still swallowed by preemie clothes was amazing. I melted during those first few days when she slept on my chest and neither Tonto nor I could put her down. Not to mention the hundreds of selfies Taylor took while holding her.

I don't want to forget the nights when I was convinced she would never sleep when it was actually dark outside. Or the many times Dave jumped up in my moments of greatest frustration and rocked her to sleep. And we certainly can't forget the many hours of breathing treatments and nasal suctioning because, as we learned all too quickly, poor baby girl has terrible allergies.

And, though it sounds crazy, I don't want to forget the many moments I got news that stopped my heart for a second and made me wonder whether or not she would ever really be ours. Or the millions of tears I shed because I could not fathom handing her over. Ever. And begging God to allow her to stay with the only people she knows. 

The reason I don't want to forget is because, though we've received potentially DEVASTATING news at times, He has always removed the obstacle. And we have very good reason to believe those obstacles are in the process of being permanently removed. 

No, it's still not a done deal. And, yes, I'm sure it will take longer that I would like. But the right people are now in the process of taking what we believe to be actions in the baby's best interest. And I don't want to forget that there's absolutely no way any of this would EVER have happened if it was solely left up to us.

So, today, I'm so grateful. And I don't want to forget.

Belt Buckle Bonanza

Last Saturday was a biiiiig day - Dottie and Taylor's first time in the show ring. I would be absolutely LYING if I said it didn't make me nervous because there's a huge difference between a 70-80 pound goat and a 500-600 pound heifer who's still growing.

But they both did really well and were, unbenownst to me, competing against the biggest and best Beefmasters in Texas. So we're gonna take not coming in last as a big ol' victory. Particularly for the first time out. And, honestly, we had no expectations. It was a warm up lap, of sorts. :)

Somehow I caught this super cool photo by mistake but I looooove it. And, yes, Dottie is a very compliant heifer. Despite what the photo might indicate.

Gotta love a girl and her cow.

Tiny was there too and she broke out her adorable pink tennis shoes for the first time. So. Stinkin'. Cute.

And, yes, the boys are still around. As are the girls. Most of my photos just aren't of dogs these days. BUT I thought this was super cute because they're usually wrestling and annoying each other. Brotherly love is hard.

And, yes, we're absolutely preparing for the opening game at McLane Stadium. Including Tiny. :)

Festivities of the Fourth

So, at this point, I'm so far behind on blogging that it's not even amusing; however, since we just celebrated a holiday (and we all know I'm ALLLLL about holidays), I thought it might be a good time for a little update. 

Truth be told, life is moving so quickly right now that I'm doing well to check everything off the 'to do' list each day. Wouldn't change it for the world but it also doesn't leave much time for blogging. Facebook and IG? Yes. Complete sentences? Not so much. :)

In what should come as a surprise to no one, Tiny had some festive clothing for the 4th of July. We had contemplated going to the Belton parade since it's tradition and all but my dad's cousin passed away last week so my parents made an unexpected trip to Tyler and needed some R&R. Plus, it was hot and Tiny isn't exactly a fan of sweating. AT ALL.

Luckily, the parade is now televised so we watched it from the comfort of our bedroom. Well, Tonto and I did anyway. Taylor was still asleep and Tiny passed out approximately 10 minutes after it began. But she looked adorable while taking a very long nap. (This will become Tiny's 4th of July mantra...just wait.)

Once Taylor roused, we decided to go ahead and do our grilling for the day because she had been invited to spend the afternoon and evening on a friend's houseboat. So we cooked, ate, cleaned up...and Tiny was still sleeping. We were, like, four hours in at this point. (No, she wasn't sick...just tired apparently...)

Eventually Tiny woke up - while Tonto was taking Taylor to the lake - and made it clear she was ready for a wardrobe change by spitting up all over the first one. Point. Taken. The second one was my fav anyway... :)

Side note: the romper was made of satin, which she apparently thought felt nice because she kept rubbing her tummy like a tiny buddha. A-dor-a-ble.

Once the older one was out on the lake, it was radio silence but I did manage to snag a pic from her IG account.

She had a blast and even watched the fireworks from the lake. Meanwhile, we tried to figure out why every single neighbor of ours thought it was ok to set off fireworks in the city limits. It was seriously ALL of them, y'all. And still Tiny slept. Meanwhile, Rambo hid in the closet.

Little one eventually woke up but the City fireworks had already ended so I showed her a video of them on my phone. And she found it FASCINATING. Maybe next year she'll stay awake to see them. :)

It was a late night waiting for Taylor to get home but we were up and at 'em early the next morning because it was time to show Dottie for the first time. More about that later, though. :)