Texas Wildflowers

Last Monday (so thankful Baylor gives us a long Easter weekend), I headed to a local park where there is a beautiful patch of Indian Paintbrushes and Bluebonnets with Taylor, two of her friends and baby girl. It was hot. And humid. And we were there for more than an hour but it was totally worth it. 

See?

Fierce

So I think it's probably obvious by now that there is a baby in our house. And though I can't share her whole story at this point (and it may be a loooong time before I can), it's impossible not to mention her or pretend her entrance hasn't changed our entire world.

To say that she came into our lives unexpectedly would be the understatement of the year, friends. But, in retrospect, I honestly believe that's the best way it could have happened for everyone involved. And it also explains why I kept seeing my baby verse - from THREE YEARS ago - plastered EVERYWHERE as the calendar turned from 2013 to 2014. I was confused and refused to read anything into it because, let's face it, once you've lost a baby it's just hard to believe it will or can ever happen again.

Not to mention the fact that she was so tiny and needed someone around who was comfortable with fragile babies who need extra care. Someone who would know exactly what to look for and how to treat her immediately so something seemingly small didn't turn into a huge ordeal for one so young.

Enter Tonto. Who, by the way, said tiny babe wrapped around her finger IMMEDIATELY.

And she does have extra needs. Things I never dreamed of doing with Taylor when she was this age. But it's become our new norm. And lately as I've read so many stories about preemies and the challenges they had and do still face, I realized one more miracle: the baby's health itself.

Because she is a fighter. And she is fierce. And she's literally had almost no major health issues despite being so early.

We are so blessed to have her. To be able to snuggle her. And to love on her. While I won't pretend that there have been no bumps in the road regarding other areas of the situation, the one perfect and innocent angel involved is the one whose face I so wish we could share. 

Because, y'all...she is BEAUTIFUL.

But one day, friends...one day she'll have an amazing story to tell. And, no matter what happens, we'll be some tiny part of that story. And I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity.

What's blown me away, though, are the number of people who had said things along the lines of how lucky she is to have us. And I understand the sentiment. Honestly. But every time I hear those words, I realize how the very opposite is true. Because just like Taylor has saved me from myself more times than I can count, this tiny one has healed a part of my heart I was absolutely convinced would remain broken - in some way - forever.

And, yes, she is little. But my, oh my, is she also fierce.

No Regrets

I remember this day well. It was 4th of July and Tonto was working. The girl and I met my parents at the Belton parade - a tradition still kept - and she was having a bit of toddler angst. And she was in an orange soda phase. And the precious red, white and blue outfit my mom had gotten her for  the occasion was *almost* too small. But we made it work. Because it was precious. And festive.

We had purchased our first home less than a year before and it was currently Taylor's turn for a room makeover. She had chosen pink walls with a hand painted flower (think tulips, bright and happy) border. I had painstakingly worked with many colors of paint, brushes galore and a lifesaving stencil for days.

After the parade was over, my parents took the girl back to their house for lunch and a nap so I could finish up her room. And I did. And it looked amazing. I knew she would LOVE it.

Tonto got off work not long after and we met up with some friends for a bit before retiring to the home of some other friends. They lived close to a park where the local fireworks show was visible from their front lawn.

And I let Taylor go with my parents to a different location to see the show. By the time I picked her up, she was exhausted. And she couldn't care less that her new room was complete. She simply wanted to go to bed.

The good news is that she did LOVE the room. The next morning. And she loved the fireworks. I know that because she told me. And my mom told me. But not because I witnessed it myself.

The number of moments I've missed like this one aren't astronomical. But they're the ones that stick with me. The ones I regret. Because the truth is that motherhood (or fatherhood) is hard. And it brings with it guilt. For so many reasons. Some legit. Most not. But, again, the least legit items are the ones that remain in my head. Maybe I'm not alone?

There are so many more moments, experiences and memories I've made with my girl. And I cherish them. Even the ones - and perhaps especially the ones - that didn't turn out exactly like I had hoped.

And that's why I'm mostly absent these days. From the blog. From happy hour. From social commitments. From dinners out and almost anything else that takes me away or makes me miss moments like this...

...and this...

...and this.

Because right now life is a roller coaster. And it's exhausting a lot of the time as well. Sometimes just making it to work on time or making it through the day without bursting into tears is a giant win. 

But, no matter how anything might turn out in the next year or so, there is one thing I know for sure: I don't want to have regrets about how I spent my time. Or the amount of energy I poured into those I love.

And so I'll remain happily - and maybe annoyingly - absent for now. Because I just don't want to miss a singular, solitary thing.

Midway Show & Sale (aka Goodbye, Forrest!)

Between the county show and Midway show, so many things happened. There was much packing, a lot of stress, some tears and many changes in store. But, when the time came to say goodbye to our little buddy, we were all united...in a bit of melancholy.

I mean, y'all, look at him! Precious.

We tried to pretend all was going to be just fine while watching the chicken, lamb and pig shows. And even got in a few laughs at the old timers' show.

Taylor's sweet friend, Aija, and her mom came out to support her. And sweet A found a new love - rabbits!

Eventually it was Forrest's turn in the ring. And he was mostly compliant. :-)

But the big goal of the day is to sell your animal. And we were so thankful to have met one of the buyers - Jose from Italian Granite - a few minutes before it began. Because, friends, he paid well for the guy. And she also got a few add-ons (that we know of) in the process.

Someone was excited.

And, as the bids went up and up and up, she also stood up straighter and straighter and straighter. Even had a bit of sass about her before it was all over.

And the best news of all is that little Forrest didn't have to go on the meat market truck. Such. A. Blessing.

And, with that, we bid adieu to another livestock season. One that was not quite what we thought it would be and caused us to completely rethink what type of animal Taylor would be showing in future seasons.

But that's another story for another day. :-)

MCJLS '14

Yes, I'm about to blog about something that happened in February. Early February, even. But better late than never, right?

So we had a great time at the McLennan Junior Livestock Show again this year. In fact, it was even more fun because we weren't totally unsure of what we were doing and Tonto was able to join, which meant a whole lot less work on me.

We had a tiny babe with us this time around so I wasn't very good about picture taking. But it was totally worth it because said babe is a JOY. And, no, I can't say a whole lot more at the moment. But, oh, how I want to!

This pic was taken right before it was Forrest's turn to head into the ring on the second day. Let's just say that we had the same judge this year and he didn't like our breeder's goats any better the second time around. But that's perfectly ok. It is what it is. Goats are uber competitive. And we've actually made a switch in the type of livestock we're raising moving forward.

He's cute, huh?

Someone got REALLY attached to this year's "project," y'all. 

These girls. Love them so. They were exhausted. And delirious. And hilarious. And, yes, they were again wearing matching monogrammed fishing shirts. :-)

All in all, it was such a good couple of days. Life was crazy at that point as we were in the process of finding a new place to live while we build but I'm so glad we got this time together. Our barn family is super special. And we're so incredibly thankful for them.

This Crazy Busy Life

Y'all. Life is busy. Crazy busy. Mostly good. And moving at the speed of light. Wouldn't change it for anything in the world but it's definitely affecting my ability to find time to upload pics and blog. Clearly.

So here's a synopsis of the last 4-6 weeks.

Lots of chauffeuring this girl - and sometimes a friend or two - to church and other fun activities all around town.

We moved. It was an absolute nightmare. From beginning to end. But it's done and we're now in the house we'll be in until we build. Also, it's amazing how nice people are to you and how fabulous they believe you are...until they want to keep your $$. Just sayin'. But it's all good. :-)

Last night was the local ADDY awards and our team made our pretty well. Blessed to work with such talent.

Amidst the move, Taylor participated in the Midway Show and Sale. It was the last hurrah for this fella who is clearly in a food coma because Tonto decided he should be able to eat as much as he wanted after the show was over.

A very nice man from a local company purchased him at sale. He was very generous and it was a best case scenario for my girl. He was still at the barn until Tuesday but now he's moved on to the next phase of his journey.

And after moving and showing and selling, we spent last Sunday at our fifth volleyball tourney of the season. Three more left. Really like this group of girls. Really frustrated that so many let their kiddos drop out in the middle of the reason. Changes the dynamics and leaves you short at key positions. But Taylor enjoys it and that's all that really matters.

And, of course, she still makes me laugh. Every. Single. Day.

Happy Hearts Day

From us...

...and our new addition...

The happiest Valentine's Day we've had in our home in a looooong time, friends. :-)